Scorpio Rising
I once read an article that said that your child’s zodiac sign is probably exactly what you needed at the time of their birth. Well, damn.
Before we get into the super fun stuff (read: sewing), I thought that I’d make a few posts about my girls and our pre- and post NICU experiences. So let’s start with my big girl - Janai. I got pregnant with Janai on my summer break when I was about to transfer schools during undergrad. I had decided that I wanted to be a pharmacist, and there was a program closer to home that would allow me to begin my first year of pharmacy school while completing my final year of undergrad. Shaving time of a school? I couldn’t sign up fast enough. A month later I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t ashamed. I wasn’t disheartened. In fact, thinking back on it, I think that I was relieved. I needed purpose.
Janai was due in February, but she came in November. I had been on bed rest for a brief stint, but I thought it was due to the fluid retention because honey, those cankles were ugly, you hear me? I went to my doctor’s office one day for what was supposed to be just a genetic workup. As I was walking to the check out desk, a nurse randomly stated, “Let’s just check your blood pressure while you’re here”. Bro. Fortuitous.
After checking, they told me to come back later that evening to be admitted. I had just turned 21 that summer and had the level of naivety only a young adult could have. In other words, I didn’t think anything that serious could be wrong. They stated that the baby was really small for her gestational age and the blood flow to my placenta was restricted. Soon after, I was diagnosed with preeclampsia.
After being in the hospital for a few days, my final ultrasound showed that the baby’s growth and blood flow were further restricted. She had to come earth side soon. So, my baby girl came at 26 weeks and 0 days weighing 1 lb 1 oz. We had the priest come in to say a prayer over her, but he thought it may have been more fitting to read her her last rites.
Our NICU ride was such a roller coaster. One day she’d be stable, the next day was touch and go. One week would be progress, the next week she’d be sick. One minute I’d be overjoyed, the next minute, I’d feel overwhelmed. It was torture. But Janai pushed through. That girl was a warrior. She had such a big personality for someone so little. We made it through with just 1 surgery to fix her Retinopathy of Prematurity. She had been on the ventilator for a long time so her lungs were pretty beaten up. Still she persevered.
After coming home, Janai was seeing an occupational therapist, speech therapist, and early interventionist. She was readmitted to the hospital twice for pneumonia. I’d restarted undergrad after taking a semester off, so my days began with heading to work in the morning, then home for Janai’s therapy visits, then to school in the evening. Here is where I plug in the secret to making it through the NICU as well as adjusting to a new life at home with a sick child - support. And I’m not talking about any Facebook support groups. Without my family and friends, there is no way possible I could’ve kept my sanity. Everyone pitched in at every possible turn. I’m so eternally grateful.
Today, Janai is an annoying teen that is in love with NBA Youngboy. Ew. She spends her past time obsessing over her IG follow count, texting me hilarious Tik Tok videos, and finding new ways to spend my money. She is an amazing artist and still has that big personality. And now, she’s a big sister.
I’m going to finish this post by just telling you about Janai’s name. The original name that I picked out was Rhian Taylor, but her dad hated that name. Since I had her early, I didn’t have time to think of many others. The rep from Vital Records came to my room and gave me the paper for the birth certificate and social security card and said she’d be back on Sunday to pick it up. That Sunday, I woke up feeling really sad and scared because the doctors told me right after delivery that it was unlikely that Janai would survive past 48 hours. I spent the morning in my hospital room crying and praying to God. I just kept begging him/her to save my baby. I even tried to bargain. The rep came in shortly after and I still didn’t have a name, but when she handed me the pen, I just wrote Janai (pronounced Juh-nay) on the application. It was super random because I had never even heard of this name before. Months later, I decided to look up the meaning. Janai is a derivative of Jane. It means: God has answered.